Mid-season Power Rankings

After a one-week hiatus for a fruitless reason, Vic Guru is back to give the FADUCO power rankings. I don’t plan to publish a photo of a league owner in my article, so no one should be offended. That and the fact that I’m now officially the consensus worst team in the league. I’m also giving mid-season grades.

1. Tuna (6-2). Some of you may protest about the love being shown to Tuna this season. Have all the Asians conceded the division to Tuna? Well, maybe not Donny or Katy, but he’s just so far ahead of everyone else. He has had the best trade of the season: Lamont Jordan for Eli Manning. True story: Tuna bought Eli’s jersey the week before he traded him. Just like the Godfather, Tuna is all about business this season. The only negative for Tuna this coming week is that he’ll have to come out of the closet and cheer for the Redskins, as he’s facing Katy’s Mcnabb.
Mid-season Grade: A

2. Hai (5-3). Hai lost, yet went up the rankings. You could blame the loss on the absence of Edgerrin James, Hai will be back to normal this week. Oh yeah, who else noticed that Hai lost after he posted a photo of Kevin? Once again, you tread on dangerous ground iconizing Mr. Omnivore. Winner of the best gift of the season – getting Steven Jackson because of Victor’s Isiah Thomas’ inspired keeper strategy. That was worth like 15 gold pieces.
Mid-season Grade: A-

3. Bill (4-4). Finally playing to preseason expectations. The hottest team in the league, he also has benefited from the Eli Manning trade in that he’s no longer starting QBs who give him negative points. Still too reliant on the fortunes of the Chargers, but has the momentum given the questions of the other teams in the division. He’s also been scoring pretty consistently lately, so will be a tough match for all but Tuna. Recent wins have given him the confidence to take up the mantle as the Caucasian’s champion against the Tuna juggernaut.
Mid-season Grade: B

4. Kevin (4-4). Incensed by racial epitaphs, he crushed his Asian opponent last week. Expect the trash-talking and photo postings to go all out this week as he plays PJ. Even though this newest Bronco fan will have to sit a couple of his starters, the fantasy gods will be generous to Kevin if PJ falls into the trap of baiting Kevin with offending photos or words. Truth to be told, Kevin is one of the few people left on the planet who actually rooted for his team over all the fantasy production points coming to him from the Broncos on Sunday.
Mid-season Grade: B

5. Larry (5-3). Too many injuries, he is vulnerable for the next few weeks. Has to pick up a QB if Bulger doesn’t play, there are slim pickings out there. He’s also in a really bad spot: He needs the waiver wire the most but his position is pretty bad due to his win-loss record. Alexander is his only viable back right now. If Larry pulls some quality trades, he’ll be able to solidfy his footing on the Caucasian division, otherwise it may be a steep fall given the resurgence of the other teams in the division. You can only hold out the fort for so long before those injuries take effect.
Mid-season Grade: B+

6. Katy (4-4). Gets her injured players back, and there was an actual Ricky sighting last week! She’ll be almost fully stocked to go against uber Tuna, and will not roll over dead. The wildcards is that her "teams" – the Eagles and Giants go on the road against teams whose defenses are unpredictable, much like Katy’s team. After Tuna, her schedule eases up with 3 straight games against teams with current losing records. So an upset of Tuna – and Bam! She can be 8-4.
Mid-season Grade: B-

7. Andrew (4-4). Has midnight struck for this Cinderella? We’ll know after this week, when he faces a very weakened Larry. . His matchup with Larry is probably this week’s game with the most impact on the standings. Two straight loses have lessened the shiny glow of the turnaround. Maybe the helper monkey needs a banana to get him going again. However, Andrew gets back a couple of choice weapons and has most of his players are at home this week. Just contending for the division lead is so much more than most others expected from Andrew, so he earns a good grade.
Mid-season Grade: A-

8. PJ (3-5). Wow, nearly 100% efficiency! Is it because of gay Sulu or the name change? Or both? This is one team whose writing bye week helped the team. Will this mean another quality article from Kevin? Or will the news blackout be lifted? Stay tuned for this week’s first and 11. Oh by the way, PJ’s players though all present for this week, will be facing some pretty tough defenses. And so don’t expect another >90% efficiency episode. So let the record show that I’m picking Kevin to win this matchup.
Mid-season Grade: C-

9. Donny (3-5). The league homer is no longer Katy. This team lives and dies by the Redskins. No if’s or but’s. At least there is moral clarity here. Also, on the brighter side, the Daunte Culppeper nightmare is over. On the not-so-bright side, the Steve Smith and Kevan Barlow for Jamal Lewis and Andrew Johnson has been the worst trade in the league this season so far. Does have a somewhat mild schedule remaining, so is still no out of the wildcard spots. Can’t blame Warcraft for this grade:
Mid-season Grade: C

10. Victor (2-6). What can I say? Has taken over sole possession of the cellar and the title of "most underachieving team". Got swept by the Asian big 3, so is the only team that is pretty much out of playoff contention. Does this mean there will be no more transactions? Heck no! There’s still that high score of the week and the prospects of helping the Asian brothers and sister get 3 of the 4 playoff spots. Oh, if I do get to choose the Asian all-star team, I am on the record that I won’t pull a Hai and throw the game by choosing Aaron Brooks and Jamal Lewis as starters.
Mid-season Grade: D