Thank you to Donny for picking up the slack and showing not all Asians are lazy underachievers. Here are his rankings:
3. Sparkle Bunnies: SB drafted 3 QBs yet his regular starter Dalton was picked up off the waiver wire. But Dalton has been en fuego this year, only Brady is averaging more points per game in our league. SB actually whiffed on his early draft picks, but did hit it big with Marshall in Round 6 and Fitz in round 11 and probably Gates as well. With Lynch reverting back to Beast Mode, Gates back from suspension, and Alshon finally playing, I now actually think he should be ranked 2, but I’m too lazy to switch it. The only question marks are Dalton staying hot and the Dolphins D (they posted a total of 2 points weeks 2 through 4).
4. Goats: This is an interesting team name and logo for Kevin, appears to be a desperate measure, so we’ll see how it pans out for him. Goats has been the victim of the toughest schedule in terms of Points Against which is odd since he’s the only one that has played Lily twice. Goats is amazingly consistent, his scoring range is 78-82 points in 5 out of the 6 weeks. Kind of a boring and unspectacular output, like a pro golfer just getting pars all day long. Hs A. Luck could be on the verge of breaking out, but it looks like the standard 80 point outputs aren’t going anywhere. Other than Bell none of his guys appear liable to put up monster numbers in a given week. Guys like K. Allen, John Brown, and D Thomas are the 70-90 yd types with the occasional lone TD.
5. DPTB: DPTB might have the first case of Angry White Man syndrome in the United States. I’m not sure if his ire is directed at specific Asians in our league, all Asians in our league, or just Asians in general? I’m sure time will tell as he continues to post his thoughts. This team is ranked 5 solely by virtue of their current record, because the prospects aren’t rosy for this team. His team is one more injury away from looking like a typical team from the Asian division. BTW, if DPTB wants to motion for a change to the keeper deadlines/rules, I would likely second it. Also, I’m not sure why he still has Jameis Winston on his team.
6. Tall Asian: The average Vietnamese height for a male is a mere 5 ft 4 in, which happens to be about how tall Vic and Tuna are. Tall Asian I believe is like 6’1”, so the team name is appropriate. His 3 siblings are all normal height for Viets i.e. short, so he is a bit of a freak. Anyways, his team is pretty average right now. He’s got QB issues unless Brees’ shoulder gets better in a hurry. Hopkins and Gronk are elite, but nothing else to be excited about. Lacy ate too many donuts over the offseason. Martin and Miller are solid RB2s and RB3s, so lack of a true RB1 and top tier QB will prevent him from overtaking his landlord.
7. Ruthless: While Tall Asian isn’t one of those ironic nicknames, Ruthless is. Tuna has gone soft since having a baby. He no longer picks on Victor like he used to relentlessly (think Wayne and Kevin relationship from Wonder Years) and is overall just an ordinary, harmless, suburban dad. One factoid about Tuna is that he is one of the rare 2nd generation Asians with a purebred child. All the other Asians in our league plus their siblings have half-breeds. This fact alone has vaulted Tuna into favored son status in his family, who previously had him ranked dead last in relation to his brothers. Far as his team, he needs Rapey Ben to come back in a quick manner. His injury was a double whammy for Tuna who also has A. Brown. He still has Forte and Beckham, so season is still very much alive.
8. POD: My RBs suck, worst in the league. So far the best thing I’ve done this year is pick up Denver defense, and that was only to spite Victor who I was playing that week. McCoy and Hillman could start putting up decent numbers but it’s probably too late to make a run. Anderson, Brooks and Graham have all been bust city. If the L’s keep piling up that will probably mean more columns from me. Also I changed my team logo to honor PJ’s dog, the photo being very similar to the one put up on his 1st and 10.
9. Running Deflators: My God, what has happened to our Vic Guru. This team is so bad, he’s been reduced to starting 2 RBs on the same team. Vic’s draft was D+ worthy, not Hai’s. Vic is so disinterested in his team that’d he rather Kayak on a Sunday afternoon instead of watching ball or writing on his own blog. He’s lucky to have 3 wins, as 2 of them were one point squeakers each over Lily and Tall Asian. This team should deserve the #1 overall pick next year but it’ll go to the only girl in the league…
10. BCT: Ah sweet Lily, your team could be historically bad. Other than your kicker, you have at best fringe starters everywhere else, and a bench with almost no upside. You could probably cut your entire bench sans Diggs and no one would even bother spending the $3 to pick any of them up, certainly not FSU or destitute Justin. I’m putting the over/under on Lily’s total season wins at 1. She is setting her lineups and picking up free agents and such, so to her credit she hasn’t given up just yet.
1. FSU: Hit the lottery with the Freeman pick in
round 7, two rounds AFTER he drafted his kicker. Freeman sucked ass last year and now all of a
sudden he’s Priest Holmes, no one could have predicted that. Ever since week 1 when he barely squeaked by a
historically bad Lily, FSU has been decimating his opponents by an average
margin of victory of over 40 pts. He
already has 3.5 weekly pots in the bank.
This domination even with Dez on the bench and his first pick Forsett
kind of bleh. Could easily get to 8-0
after playing the Donge’s his next two games.
Also, FSU has only spent $9 on transactions this year. He must be cheap since last year he spent the
least on free-agent picks ups. I thought
Asians were supposed to be cheap.
2. Buffalo Wings: Vic Bastard absolutely clubbed him over his
drafting, yet he nailed his first 4 picks (Green, Gurley, Brady, and Ivory),
and got great value with Eifert in round 8 who is producing on par with
Gronk. I’m sure it’s luck and not some
great foresight on BW’s part, but he’ll take it. BW would be in the middle of the pack in the
White Division but he’s the cream of the crop in his Asian Division. Usually BW wins the league if he even has
just a decent team, because he’d otherwise be battling it out with Andrew for the
SACKO award.
3. Sparkle Bunnies: SB drafted 3 QBs yet his regular starter Dalton was picked up off the waiver wire. But Dalton has been en fuego this year, only Brady is averaging more points per game in our league. SB actually whiffed on his early draft picks, but did hit it big with Marshall in Round 6 and Fitz in round 11 and probably Gates as well. With Lynch reverting back to Beast Mode, Gates back from suspension, and Alshon finally playing, I now actually think he should be ranked 2, but I’m too lazy to switch it. The only question marks are Dalton staying hot and the Dolphins D (they posted a total of 2 points weeks 2 through 4).
4. Goats: This is an interesting team name and logo for Kevin, appears to be a desperate measure, so we’ll see how it pans out for him. Goats has been the victim of the toughest schedule in terms of Points Against which is odd since he’s the only one that has played Lily twice. Goats is amazingly consistent, his scoring range is 78-82 points in 5 out of the 6 weeks. Kind of a boring and unspectacular output, like a pro golfer just getting pars all day long. Hs A. Luck could be on the verge of breaking out, but it looks like the standard 80 point outputs aren’t going anywhere. Other than Bell none of his guys appear liable to put up monster numbers in a given week. Guys like K. Allen, John Brown, and D Thomas are the 70-90 yd types with the occasional lone TD.
5. DPTB: DPTB might have the first case of Angry White Man syndrome in the United States. I’m not sure if his ire is directed at specific Asians in our league, all Asians in our league, or just Asians in general? I’m sure time will tell as he continues to post his thoughts. This team is ranked 5 solely by virtue of their current record, because the prospects aren’t rosy for this team. His team is one more injury away from looking like a typical team from the Asian division. BTW, if DPTB wants to motion for a change to the keeper deadlines/rules, I would likely second it. Also, I’m not sure why he still has Jameis Winston on his team.
6. Tall Asian: The average Vietnamese height for a male is a mere 5 ft 4 in, which happens to be about how tall Vic and Tuna are. Tall Asian I believe is like 6’1”, so the team name is appropriate. His 3 siblings are all normal height for Viets i.e. short, so he is a bit of a freak. Anyways, his team is pretty average right now. He’s got QB issues unless Brees’ shoulder gets better in a hurry. Hopkins and Gronk are elite, but nothing else to be excited about. Lacy ate too many donuts over the offseason. Martin and Miller are solid RB2s and RB3s, so lack of a true RB1 and top tier QB will prevent him from overtaking his landlord.
7. Ruthless: While Tall Asian isn’t one of those ironic nicknames, Ruthless is. Tuna has gone soft since having a baby. He no longer picks on Victor like he used to relentlessly (think Wayne and Kevin relationship from Wonder Years) and is overall just an ordinary, harmless, suburban dad. One factoid about Tuna is that he is one of the rare 2nd generation Asians with a purebred child. All the other Asians in our league plus their siblings have half-breeds. This fact alone has vaulted Tuna into favored son status in his family, who previously had him ranked dead last in relation to his brothers. Far as his team, he needs Rapey Ben to come back in a quick manner. His injury was a double whammy for Tuna who also has A. Brown. He still has Forte and Beckham, so season is still very much alive.
8. POD: My RBs suck, worst in the league. So far the best thing I’ve done this year is pick up Denver defense, and that was only to spite Victor who I was playing that week. McCoy and Hillman could start putting up decent numbers but it’s probably too late to make a run. Anderson, Brooks and Graham have all been bust city. If the L’s keep piling up that will probably mean more columns from me. Also I changed my team logo to honor PJ’s dog, the photo being very similar to the one put up on his 1st and 10.
9. Running Deflators: My God, what has happened to our Vic Guru. This team is so bad, he’s been reduced to starting 2 RBs on the same team. Vic’s draft was D+ worthy, not Hai’s. Vic is so disinterested in his team that’d he rather Kayak on a Sunday afternoon instead of watching ball or writing on his own blog. He’s lucky to have 3 wins, as 2 of them were one point squeakers each over Lily and Tall Asian. This team should deserve the #1 overall pick next year but it’ll go to the only girl in the league…
10. BCT: Ah sweet Lily, your team could be historically bad. Other than your kicker, you have at best fringe starters everywhere else, and a bench with almost no upside. You could probably cut your entire bench sans Diggs and no one would even bother spending the $3 to pick any of them up, certainly not FSU or destitute Justin. I’m putting the over/under on Lily’s total season wins at 1. She is setting her lineups and picking up free agents and such, so to her credit she hasn’t given up just yet.
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